5 Surgeons

Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.....There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."

Gentle thoughts for today

Gentle thoughts for today.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seemworth waiting in line for.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
Lord,
Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN. .!!

Signs and Business Cards

Anesthesiologist business card:
When you care enough to sleep with the very best.
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
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In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
'To expedite your visit please back in.'
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On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'
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On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..'
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On a Church's Billboard:
'7 days without God makes one weak.'
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
'Invite us to your next blowout.'
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At a Towing company:
'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'
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On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'
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On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push.'
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At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'
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On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'
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On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
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At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
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At the Electric Company
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be'
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In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.'
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'
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At a Propane Filling Station:
'Thank heaven for little grills.'
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And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak