Funny Q & A

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up on It

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take the Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag


20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a West Virginia Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!

Wisdom

'If you don't read the newspaper
you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are
misinformed.'-Mark Twain


Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.-Mark Twain


I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G Gordon Liddy


Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)


Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.-Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University


Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian


Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)


Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it . If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.-Ronald Reagan (1986)



I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-Will Rogers


If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-P.J. O'Rourke


In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)


Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)


No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-Mark Twain (1866 )


Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Unknown



The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan


The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill


The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.-Mark Twain


The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)



There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.
-Mark Twain



What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)


A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson